This article should be a guide for gentlemen who are civilian re-enactors and soldiers who fight for either side. I always have seen a different behavior at a dance compared to a ball. Most dances are held in conjunction with a Civil War re-enactment. Some of the behaviors at the dances are at times lacking in etiquette and sometimes it depends on the age of the participant. The proper guideline is to forget you are living in the 21st century, and jump back into time to the 19th century. Ladies should be escorted to the dance and gentlemen should make themselves available to do just that. The average soldier during the war was 25 years old. There are a few men who fit in that category, but that is not the average. Plus, there are more men who have reached an age where running through the woods and smelling like a skunk does not appeal to as many of us. A lot of men who are still re-enacting probably have been in it over 25 years.
But does that mean that all men behave themselves? Probably not, as all of us have seen a few men yelling and getting carried away while doing some of the dances. At major re-enactments, the callers have a difficult time trying to teach the dance because people in general are talking. The basic guideline is to do what the caller calls regardless of your knowledge. A dance can turn into a train wreck when men are loud and obnoxious and think they know the dance. When the caller starts to teach, watch the demonstration and listen to the instructions with your mouth closed while encouraging your partner to do the same.
It is very important for a gentleman to try to dance with as many ladies as possible. If you escorted someone to the dance, make a point just like a ball, to do the grand march with that person and the final waltz with them also. Most of these dances are held underneath a big tent and have grass flooring. The gentlemen who arrive with heel plates do not have to worry as much unless the ground is slippery. Generally the ladies do not wear their finest ball gown in this situation either. Most of the time, they are in a day dress. But never say never; there are ladies who turn up at the dance who wear prom dresses, or someone a dress that is too long. As a gentleman, do not trip over the ladies dress or make stupid comments. A man should act as a gentleman and make sure the lady is treated properly. How many times have I seen young men just walk away from their partner without taking them back to where they were, or never ask them if they would like a refreshment. There are times where the next dance is beginning so that can be a problem. A lot of dances at events dance cards are not printed up. Do not make that a problem.
Ballroom etiquette is a whole different cup of tea. I am not saying that the rules are totally different as far as a man would show his manners and a proper upbringing. Again at a ball, 19th century behavior is expected and the next several paragraphs will outline the guidelines. Let’s face it, women take a lot longer to prepare for a ball than a gentleman. A gentleman needs to be patient. Those ladies could spend as much time preparing their hair as a man would get dressed. When the woman says, they will meet you at 7 with the ball starting at 8, prepare yourself that might not happen. Some women come to a ball and dresses at the ball site. In some situations, the ball is held at a hotel and meeting the woman near the ball entrance is acceptable. Usually women are helping other women get dressed. Be prepared if you are needed and I have been at times, to lend a hand. It might depend on how well you know this person. Once your lady or ladies arrive, stay with them as you will need to get checked in for the ball. Always keep the woman to your right as some ladies say, because a woman is always right. At some balls, the couple will be announced. A gentleman always will be prepared with his gloves on once he takes the lady’s hand and escorts her to her seat. The ladies who do not have an escort should wait outside so she can be escorted in. In many situations, that does not happen. Usually more ladies attend than men, so at times women are coming in together.
In my situation, since I portray a notable character (Jefferson Davis) I might be asked to co-lead or lead the ball. It is very important that you listen very carefully to the instructions given to you by the dance master or mistress. Before the grand march begins, check around the room to see who is available to dance. If you escorted someone, it is your job to find the lady suitable partners. It is proper to arrive before the ball begins which could be an hour. That should give you plenty of time to help yourself get partners for the one you escorted and find partners for yourself. Remember it is not proper for a woman to ask a man to dance even if they came without a partner. The host and the floor managers normally suggest partners and the caller will point out where another couple is needed if a quadrille is the dance or a reel that should have only six couples.
Once the grand march begins this is a chance for everyone to see each other. I have been in some grand marches that seem to go on forever. Acknowledge people appropriately and always give your partner full attention and make eye contact. At most balls the caller could suggest keeping the same partner or find another one. Some of that will depend on whether you have a dance card or not. Most balls should have dance cards. After the dance is completed ask the lady to point out where she was sitting so you can return her or if she asks you to take her to her next dance partner that is appropriate. Men should always thank the lady for the honor of the dance.
It is possible a lady might refuse dancing with you. She really should not, unless she is engaged for that dance. She should not accept someone else asking her either. Refusal to dance is not showing good manners and etiquette. I am suggesting that gentlemen show the proper etiquette, but that does not mean everyone on the ball floor feels the same way. I have been attending balls for over 10 years and I should not expect a new comer to know what I have learned in that time. Be kind and suggest to new people attending what is proper and what is not without being rude yourself. Everyone has a beginning. Look around the floor when dancing and if you notice a lady who does not get asked, make it a point to ask that person. Breaks are given about every four to six dances. Use that time to get acquainted with people. If eating or drinking remove your gloves. Do not talk with your mouth full and gentlemen are good listeners when you are with the ladies. Do not be loud and never talk about other persons in the ballroom unless you are paying a compliment.
As stated before, do not dance with the same partner for more than two dances. Now that can be a problem if the ball is not well attended. When you dance with others it is considered generous and polite. If you keep dancing with the same partner, it is considered improper and rude. If a woman spent several hours getting prepared for the ball and they hardly dance at all, that is not right. Good men notice that and do the proper thing and ask her to dance. I remember asking a lady to do the grand march at a small ball and she said she did not know how to do it. I politely said it was basically walking around the dance floor and she still refused, telling me she could barely do that. So I sat out and waited until the next dance and more ladies arrived.
Men can dress differently whether military or civilian. I have gone to balls dressed both ways. If military, wear a dress frock, dress trousers. In other words, do not wear muddy pants, or boots with heel plates. Tape them over if that is appropriate. Only your head should be covered when you are outside. Once inside, remove your hat and find an appropriate place for it. If dressing civilian, you could wear a nice frock coat with a proper waistcoat (vest), trousers, and a tie. Lately I wear a black tailcoat, and matching trousers, a white embroidered vest, and a white cravat. For boots I have various styles depending on the dance floor. You never want to fall down because of your sole being slippery.
In closing, Remembrance Day Weekend in November in Gettysburg has many balls to attend. There are many suttlers to visit too. But plan ahead. There are places such as the Quartermaster Shop in Kimball, Michigan which have expert tailoring. They have custom orders too. There are many suttlers out there and some places you can buy it off the rack, but be careful what you purchase. The clothing I originally purchased is no longer worn. I encourage every reader to do your research. In my case I ask myself would my character would have worn that. I hope to see many of you during Remembrance Day Weekend and keep in mind how a gentleman should behave.
-By David Walker