Dear Mrs. Vallion,
I am young and I must confess that I am confused by all the traditions, regulations and protocols concerning a lady in mourning. I humbly ask of you as to whether a lady, once she is in mourning, may attend a ball? If she is allowed to attend, what should she wear?
“Seeking Guidance”
Dear “Seeking Guidance,”
Your question is a very astute one on a very delicate manner. Although etiquette does not prohibit a lady in mourning from attending a ball, unless she is, of course, in the earliest and deepest days, her local society’s tradition may deem it inappropriate for those of delicate sensibilities to attend a ball while in mourning. She should honor the traditions of her city, town or area and thus not attend. The authoress of Mixing in Society personally feels that “ladies in deep mourning should not go to balls at all. They must not dance and their dark dresses look out of place in a gay assembly.”
May I humbly offer a few suggestions to help guide those who, if not presently in mourning, may one day find themselves in this tender place and whose regional tradition maybe silent or divided on the subject?
For those who wish to attend a ball and are not in mourning, please keep in mind that upon selecting fabric for a ball-dress, one should not employ black as the material. Mrs. Hartley in her most recent book, was correct in stating that “in preparing a costume for a ball, choose something very light. Heavy, dark silks are out of place in a ball room, and black should be worn in no material but lace.”
However, one of your questions was concerning the ball attire of a lady who is in mourning. I am sure you will agree that mourning, even half-mourning, has always a somber appearance despite the venue in which it is found. Mr. Hillgrove, one of the revered dance masters of our day, agrees that due to the somber appearance of a lady in mourning, mourning dress in his appraisal “is, therefore, unbecoming in a ball-room.” However he has noted in his treatise that a glimmer of hope may be found within the halls of fashion to brighten the appearance of one in mourning who choses to attend a ball. Mr. Hillgrove duly notes that ball-dresses for those in mourning decorated “with scarlet has come into fashion, an air of cheerfulness has been imparted to its otherwise melancholy appearance.” Thus, a lady ever mindful of those jovial spirits who regularly are in attendance at ball, may adorn her black dress with scarlet so as to not impart somberness to the gaiety of the ocassion.
With tenderness of spirit for those in mourning,
Mrs. Vallion
-By Karen Duffy